Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
should my penis look like a turkey
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
