so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
