is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Randomize
