My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
