Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
