She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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