i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
