I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
