i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
