It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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