She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
