Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
