We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
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