i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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