help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
