I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
