Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
