I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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