I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Barsexuality is the new black.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
