woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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