forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
