I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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