My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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