idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
