so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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