i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
