I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
