This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
