does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
