i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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