I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
