The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
