do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
