My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
