hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
