Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
