he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
