Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
