The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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