Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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