i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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