Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
