RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
