He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
