My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
