my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
