im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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