so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
