bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
