my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
