Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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