I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
