Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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