forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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