bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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