just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
