btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
