shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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