I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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