I was born with a shot glass in my hand
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
