now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
