Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
