Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize