you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We need a shit load of segways right now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
