careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
