he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
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Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
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I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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