he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
