I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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