just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
