I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
