i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
