What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
