We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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