This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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