found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
