Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
