Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
