Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
